Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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