you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
