an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
