I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
