the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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