KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
