I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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