Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
