Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
