North Korea, Best Korea!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
