Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
