were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
