I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
