"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
