Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
