..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
