The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
