afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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