omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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