I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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