god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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