I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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