I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
