I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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