You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
