I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize