Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
