What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
