Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
