i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
