It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
