I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
