I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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