I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
