i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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