just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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