There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
