Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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