I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
