I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
