i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
