Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
