I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
