i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
