It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
