i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
