First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This baby is an asshole
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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