By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
