this just has baby written all over it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
