I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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