I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Randomize