I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
