I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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