bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
