people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
