she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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