so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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