i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
