It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
