just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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