I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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