She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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