margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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