her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
