Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
