dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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