I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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