what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
