I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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