drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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