Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
