So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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