Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a burrito and a hug.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
