I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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