At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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