U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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