just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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