he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
