She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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