my phone needs a breathalizer
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
