Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
