His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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